30 Years of Silence.

Today is the day, today is the day, today is the day, today is the day are words that keep ricocheting in my head. I’ve been staving-off this moment with an intention of having all my ducks in a row, all frayed ends in my being neatly tended to.

I thought that perhaps I could untether my soul by having this newly surfaced conversation intimately harmonized with beloved Dear Ones who hold me close. Yet no part of me will rest in relief, and my Beloveds, too, are calling for me to speak. Never have I ever shared these moments, never had I ever thought I’d need to. And today, finally, I simply can no longer stretch my bandwidth wide enough to contain the uncontainable…

1987,

Fresh off three and a half weeks on a United Artists film, my first one, I’m called in for a meeting. A meeting with a producer, a man who was casting a lead in his next movie. Gratefully, I, with only one film credit to my name, was being considered.

I remember the temperature of the room like it was just the other day. I remember the way his glasses fogged-up on his doughy, sweaty face and the liquid sound of his breath. I remember his hand reaching while I froze and left my body, numbing the confusion and how it unraveled something sacred in me. I remember growing up a thousand years in the span of eighteen mind-numbing minutes. I remember what I was wearing, and I remember exactly what he looked like.

Like Harvey Weinstein, only heavier and greasier. I remember thinking, how could this be happening – what had I done, how did I create this? And then scrambling to assemble all manner of navigational skills, for my future was on the line. My agent was thrilled. This was an opportunity for me.

Over the years, hearing this story and that, of sexual predators, abusers, harassers, and violators, I’d quietly cheer any victory on, though I never felt compelled to say anything myself. There was one time a client used my name as an expert witness in a sexual harassment case without my permission. I was upset when I found out. Because I didn’t want to rock the proverbial boat. I didn’t want to create bad waves. Or douse the situation with negativity. Have it come back to me. Know what I mean?

Since the turn of the century, having supported a few thousand women in their intimate experiences of excruciating diminishment, extra-ordinary abuse, ritualistic disempowerment, never once did I think #meetoo.  I was too busy with the triage of beloved ones who’d entrusted me with their secrets and pain; I was too busy to participate in the truth of my own vulnerability. I was too busy being strong and didn’t even know that, at least in part, I was committed to a big cover-up, though there were parts of me that suspected something along these lines from time to time.

I’d never felt moved until that morning I woke a day after the Weinstein story broke and read that Angelina and Gwyneth stood up. A silent rush of tears broke down my face and I had to look in the mirror.

A volcano erupted in my internal world and no manner of tending to it has silenced it. I have, unexpectedly, been shaken to my core. I keep thinking, there must be some way to resolve this within myself, and the closer I am to this moment, now, I can only admit that my voice, my sound current, must be factored-in to this allegro of the symphony.

Since October 10th, so much of my life began to explain itself to me in ways I had never been privy to, so many of my choices, so many of my non-choices. So much of my anger that had always seemed baseless to my thinking-mind described particular moments for me in addition to the ferocity of my independence.

Throughout my 20s and half-way through my 30s, I longed for an intimacy that I continuously pushed away. Years of examining, restructuring, liberating, and rewiring have allowed me to feel safe enough to choose non-violence in those closest to me, for now I know that any engagement that is not consensual is actually violent. It is. Violent to the soul. To the purest place in you. To the purest place in me.

Having had the great honor of holding so many women over the years with stories of their own, I never really ever considered my own story. So fiercely passionate I’ve been in the alchemy of their liberations, my own woundedness, deeply filed away, was a faint recollection that barely whispered from time to time. Indeed, my personal experiences paled in comparison I would tell myself… I was an expert at minimizing my self-perceived weakness alongside my inherent knowing of my own strength. If I was indeed strong, then use that strength to just brush it aside – this is life. Paradoxically bewildering… Tuck it away. Don’t say a word. It must’ve been my fault somehow that that producer, those producers, that mentor, that director, that actor, those friends of mine, that guy on the Japanese subway, that best friend (and her husband), that father of my friend, that wife of a colleague, that reverend, that man in the alley behind my house…

I suppose I’m sharing that indeed there is a list because this conversation isn’t really about one incident. Though it is about one incident, coupled with Gwyneth and Angelina stepping up that somehow broke the dam for me; a dam that I didn’t know I had erected, to safeguard. To safeguard an outdated silent agreement that a vast majority of us have tended to, wittingly or otherwise. To join with voices who somehow now feel liberated to speak. That there just might be ears that will actually hear.

In this era of chaos, the contract to remain silent and cope is crumbling. Maybe.

We’ll see if we actually create and establish something more palatable, more honoring, and more authentic. The days of the Patriarchy are numbered. The Divine Feminine is rising within and for us all. This is a movement in consciousness, a maturation of the collective. Humanity just may be growing-up a bit. We have tremendous invitation, in so many facets of our maturing.

It’s strange to know that by my silence I’ve strengthened what will not stand, and that by my life’s work I’ve empowered this current Rising. In this moment I can say that I’m committed to this turning tide, yet I don’t know what I don’t know, and I’m not able to see what I’m not able to see. Sometimes the blinders of my humanity make me want to scream! and along side this, I know all of this is precisely perfect on the frontlines of my passion for a world that works for everyone.

What I do know is: the emerging paradigm is unstoppable. It is in this knowing that I can exhale, and inhale.

Stronger women.

I was with a dearly beloved two days after the story broke; she was the first I unsilenced with. So lovingly she spoke with hopes for a future that maybe now we’d raise our girls to be stronger women.., and I interrupted her: I’m one of those girls you’re speaking of, this has already been so. My parents intentionally raised me to be a Stronger Woman. Clearly and resolutely; my parents made damn sure I’d know my strength with every fiber of my being. And I have, for the most part.

So what happened??

Quantum impact. Those tiny nicks to the psyche, to the self-worth, in the bureaucracy of life. Meeting so-called reality and doing my best to quickly learn its rules: allow me to violate you so that you can share your heart, your gifts, with the world. How f*ck’d up is that? That’s actually the bargain these moments provide. And it’s been so insidiously woven in the collective psyche as acceptable that it’s no wonder so many of us have said nothing. And because we say nothing, it’s somehow validating and becomes verifiably acceptable… even when everything inside is nauseous with disbelief that this is happening. AGAIN.

This isn’t about stronger women. This is about a revolution in the operating system of humanity.

No matter how empowered we are raised to be, a moment such as this can never be anticipated. It is simply too non sequitur. How could I have never said anything about that 30-year-old moment until now? About all of these moments? How could I have been so complicit?

There’s no way I can explain the twisted artifice of my self-talk, of my self-diminishment, of my confused under-my-breath justifications: this comes with the territory, this is just the way it is until you’re powerful enough to be heard, this, sweet girl, is just what you must deal with. And by the time you’re “powerful enough”, why bother?

And then there’s the whole piece of the perpetrator blaming the victim for their behavior. Now that I’m writing those words, I shake my head in disbelief.

One example: ten years ago I was attending a convention for the Amazon work I was up to. I invited the friend who had driven me to stay over at the resort before getting on the road home the next day. This friend went out, got drunk, and came back to the room after I had long been asleep; in the dark she took off her clothes, got in bed with me, and expected me to have sex with her. I gently reminded her I was in a relationship, that I just didn’t operate that way, and asked her to sleep it off in the other bed, which she did. The next day she avoided me, crying and then blamed me for her behavior. At no moment had I indicated I wanted sexual intimacy with her. I was in a relationship. I had to get up early for meetings. To this day she weaves untruths about that moment, simply because she’s embarrassed. And because of how she is wired; she has a poignant history of abuse in her time-line. To this day, she has never acknowledged her behavior, though I processed forgiveness years ago. This is a woman who is as charming as a rainbow. She has a following the world-over. Of course she’d be entitled to my body, my energy – just because I loved her. And I deeply still do. Yes there is love here and yes she has extreme stories of her own abuse, and so the cycle continues…

This phenomenon is so much bigger than meets the eye.

There’s something that goes on in the psyche of an innocent who’s been raised to embrace life in all of its promise and potential. There is something that goes on in the psyche of a collective that is constantly being whipped with trauma and fear.

It feels, though, that a good number aren’t buying it anymore. That possibly, we could grow with and beyond this. There are so many facets. So very many.

And, in this instant, in this tiny corner of reality, it begins with me. Owning the moments and my silence and my confusion and my anger and how actually WRONG those moments were and are. Yes, it’s been easier when standing for the women and men I’ve served over the years. And yes, I am one of these women. I am. I am.

Complicit.

This outdated paradigm is always looking for the one who is to blame. There is no one to blame. Though yes, I do feel that certain ones will serve as Perpetrators, let’s be honest and admit that so many who have perpetrated will go unnamed. What this is actually about is us waking-up, individually and collectively. This facet – the sexual predatory piece – is simply one facet in a multi-faceted invitation we have to deeply authenticate and actually listen-to and honor the pain of our individual and collective stories, to hold closely as those pains vocalize and unravel, to ask for forgiveness (even in proxy), and to forgive. To be fiercely resident in the vulnerability of our hearts.

Transparently, my most recent experience is only a few weeks old, dating to just before the wall came tumbling down. A married colleague of mine extended a request of me, got upset when I didn’t comply, and inferred that I was wrong for not complying (it was a “simple request”), and out of my authentic love for him, I remained silent. And though again, a part of me actually wondered if somehow I’d brought this upon myself. By my silence, I was complicit. Again.

Boots on the ground.

This modus operandi will not dissolve itself into thin air, no matter how much I squeeze my eyes and click my slippers. It’s one thing to publically speak about this, which I must and am giving due to. The pain I and so many have experienced is soul-searingly alive… and, if directed, can be used in the trenches.

“They” will not suddenly grow-up and exhibit new behaviors; like it or not, I’ve gotta participate. We’re all in this together. For my part, it’s upon me to formulate new behaviors and a new conversation in the immediacy of the moment. In the brave vulnerability of my heart.

Vigilance. With a tender heart.

This is not an invitation for the faint of heart, and it is an invitation for the faint of heart. It is time that the little girls who become women, like my Mama, who are stopped by men on their walks home from school, lifting their skirts to touch the most sacred site of the human temple simply because they are drawn to the Holy Grail, to de-normalize this. It is time for young men who are cornered in the sacristy, as precious altar boys, to be free of these shadow, unspoken rituals. Entire lives are shaped by these events. Choices are tremendously narrowed when the unconscious coping mechanisms go on autopilot. These moments actually break some of the ones who are the Faint of Heart, spiraling them into purgatorial lives of not being able to cope. My heart feels faint when I think of these moments and these beloveds; rightfully so, they tear the very fiber of my being. In this Era of Unceasing Chaos, this is an invitation that requires commitment and un-distract-ability. The kaleidoscopic Chaos can become what I call Sacred Chaos and we can establish a new way of being and operating. This requires actual devotion. For it is trés easy to disengage and check-out, to pretend that it’s no big deal, pretend like it didn’t happen. It’s easier to remain silent and move on. Create new memories to cover-up the malware. Anesthetize the surface mind. Or is it easy? Latent viruses are still viruses, and we never know when or how a trigger or buried trauma may get activated.

We know very much this is a bigger conversation; it touches every sector of the human experience.

Opportunities will come again, and again I’ll remind myself not to be surprised when or even that a moment visits, and I’ll continue to engage with weaving a new reality. This is a living growth-edge for me. With ever more new articulation. A new voice that remains in sync with my theology and questions it all at once. When I’m on this edge, I know I’m right where I need to be.

From the micro to the macro. As below, so above. All is a holographic re-presentation of the All. Shivers quake the cosmos.

Humanity is growing-up, I suspect, though perhaps I am too ideal yet. What I do know for certain is that the divinations of mankind are in constant flux and are not truth, even with a gazillion followers. It’s all made-up. It all depends on subscribers. Man-made agreements will never last.

These chaotic times just might be fortuitous. It feels to me that the outdated paradigm is freaking out, cracking, fighting for its very life, crumbling before our very eyes.

It is time. And we are here.

Always, always, all ways I choose Love. It’s all I really can do. I believe in LOVE. I trust Love. In all of Its unwavering permutations. Love is smart and creative and surprisingly real. So many have feared this level of authenticity. Let’s change that. Let’s do it. We start with the tenderness of our very own selves, and with this sight-shift we lift our gazes to beloved each other. And we realize. We see. We listen. We love. We weave. We build. We create. We establish. We can do this. We are here. Simply, we are #One.

Today is one of those Days…

I know you know what I mean.

Like so many of us particularly sensitive, empathic beings on our beloved Planet… I’ve been attempting to weave some kind of internal articulation around the phenomenal active Hate riddling our Collective experience – – enlivening in so so many sectors, aspects, and facets of our everyday lives.

When it seemed that we had evolved – and we did! – and we celebrated!, how could we devolve with nary a thought, a word of warning… so many unprepared for this onslaught. This sharp energy. This passionate unleashing.

Of course, because I am a creature of constant inquiry, (and perhaps because I am a Double Libra), I unfailingly look for the “reason”, the “intelligence”, the balance in all of this. And, my scientific mind can rest in the Rhythms + Cycles of the Human Evolutionary Journey… My spiritual mind can shift me into an awareness that is not time- nor space-oriented, providing a sort of relief that while we are “in” this world, we are not “of” it. Yes, I receive the constant invitation to strengthen my own consciousness + What I Know To Be True in the fabric of my own being…
Which I do. Relentlessly.

And still, I am Human.

And we forget. In a blink of an eye, it’s the way we are wired. We forget, we sleep, we slumber. And then we wake up. Again and again and again — with all the feelings and confusions and insights and wonder. With nervous systems ablaze in the tapestry of our Oneness, feeling the fire of this Collective Waking-Up.

These days I am Human more than I am not.

This emboldened invitation strikes my soul with every beat of my heart, day + night. The invitation to embrace the sting of my humanity and to STILL: stay here. Be present. Live in + from my Human Heart. And affect change. Be so committed that it doesn’t matter that my screams feel as though they fall into the chasm of our collective forgetting. Of my forgetting…

Be a Warrior of Truth. WE ARE ONE. Micro-ly. Intimately. Nuanced-ly. Simply. Utterly. Fundamentally. Macro-ly. ONE.

My heart bleeds today. I am cut. I am cut. Just like the beautiful One in New Orleans. I wail for my beloved Sisters + Brothers, my beloved Beloved.

As I wipe these burning tears dripping from the edge of my face, I feel equally the sting of confusion and the fierceness of my incarnation.

I am here.

Yet another day. Another day to prove Love. Another day to Create Reality. Another day to focus on Truth.

DeepRed #One #EveryHumanBleedsRedBlood #EveryAll

The Waves here at the beach are extra-ordinarily tumultuous today.
Coming fast and hard. Crashing with loud booms. Screaming toward the sky. Mama is speaking.

We still have some growing up to do.

WE – there is no ‘them’. Except in the mechanisms of our own minds, personalities, and ever-becomingness.

WE must remain vigilantly oriented in our Hearts + Clarity if WE are to continue to blossom-forth What We Know Is Possible in this world. In this Human Experience. On planet Earth, Cosmos Divine.

The Code of a paradigm that no-longer serves IS cracking. Feel it. Integrate this Living Truth.

Our Anger is Holy Anger and it is true that we can use the incisiveness of this powerful energy to continue to establish what we know is Right. There is no ‘their anger’ and ‘our anger’. No. Do not be swayed by this distraction. Something is happening right now that is not bound in time or space, although is active in time and space: Love Absolute.
Does’t mean we understand it – – with our Strategic Minds.
Yet there is a Mind, a Consciousness, that we have access to and there is no One who does not.

OUR Anger is Holy Anger and it is true that we can continue to use it to light up a legion of spotlights, pointing out that which must dissolve. That which must go away. And also – that which is True.

Beware of pointing the finger. Beware of a condensed story of perpetrator. Look within, harmonize, and when the gaze then moves to an ‘other’ we extend our hand with an Invitation to Remember. It’s okay if this isn’t always pretty. It’s on-purpose that it’s messy.

We ride a crest of service to and of and for That Which is Ineffable, ever birthing Itself, as our very lives. There is no one that is evil; there is no one of the devil. We are all borne of the Infinite, each one.

We are humans.

We must listen, deeply. And continue to feel + be guided. Not by the feelings that are actually emotions (albeit beautiful and very beautifully human). Emotions are story-oriented, and – we are weaving, even now, the New Story.
Caution with the captivation of Current Story – this is now no longer.

WE must listen, deeply. To the soulular trajectories of that which is not bound in the phenomenal world, for what is in the phenomenal world is already yesterday’s news, on it’s way out, dissolving even now.

The answer lies in this Movement of Evolution. Let us not harbor our awareness in that which is conditional, for too long; let us energize that Which is So – We – ALL of US are One.

And so here WE are, negotiating the phenomenal world… boots-on-the-ground, I say. It is imperative that while there is upset, to recognize the energetic up-wellings and openings that are available RIGHT NOW.

WE, as Wielders of Right Relationship; of Love Eternal + That Which is Possible, we must go forth and multiply that which we know is True. And not tarry in our opinions and positions and egoic sense of “otherness”. There is no Other.

Never, is there ever, any Other.

And so – if there is a feeling of Otherness, go deeper, remember, know, and subsequently weave from this truthful immutable Root.

Which means, WE get to keep our hearts open. See the “Other” as Ourself, and say – where do we go from here? I hear you. I see you. I feel you.

Stop the positioning. Stop the polarizing. Stop the bullying, however subtle. In our humanity, We grapple with this. We all do.
Compassion. A constant invitation. We begin in our own lives, obviously. Daily. Every day.
Every day.
And We cast our gaze to the Collective and infuse the Collective with What It Is we truly, deeply know. We are one.
This is about WE, not any one person.

Birthing the emergent paradigm comes with birthing pains, labor pains. Find solace in the fierce Truth that ENERGY CANNOT BE DESTROYED, that Creativity never stops, that a deep well of unworldly Peace is right here, right now.

In the Sea of real Reality, there is no separation. Under the crashing waves that soar on the surface. Deeply WE know this. We do.

Sometimes we forget. And then, if we are open + authentically interested, we Remember. We are Humans. We are creative expressions of the Infinite.

Energize That Which You Know is True. Not from personality or circumstance. Not from a place of hurt.

Nourish and love-up the hurting and then
Energize from your Soul’s Calling and remain passionately committed to these directives, using the Heart as a portal for deliverance.
Boots on the ground.

WE Are Here. WE Are One.

I love you. #WE

Three decades ago, as a wide-eyed, grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side-of-the-planet teenager, I cashed-in on my very first vehicle, took the money and flew as fast as I could to what I considered must be utopia: The Far East.

In my youthful desperation to touch upon the “Ineffable” (surely it existed in some shrine or temple or manicured moss garden laden with monks and small streams), I immersed my entire being in mysterious waters of the unfamiliar: new language, new society, new philosophy, new traditions, new art, new food, new handshakes and music and transportation – – brand new glasses to see and experience the world through. Exactly what I wanted.

Or so I thought.

What I found, what I cracked-open-to in those enigmatic days and nights of the unfamiliar, wasn’t exactly what I wanted so much as to what my soul was demanding Life to expose me to.

Without going into it all, suffice to say my novice ideology was crushed right alongside of gaining indelible experience, perspective, and insight: living from the inside-out in a completely alternate reality.

Then! When I returned back to the good-ole-USA, a remarkable unforeseen opening occurred in the midst of stinging culture shock rocking my world: everywhere I went – from Los Angeles back to my then home of Dallas, Texas – everywhere I looked, I found myself marveling at innumerable variant strains of Human palette: brown, pale, sepia, dark, rust, ginger, ochre, coal, mahogany… with uncountable shades of eye colors and shapes and heights and sounds! so many languages!

I had forgotten what it was like to swim in this veritable soup buffet of Humanity. After being immersed in an almost mono-chromatic culture in Japan, where everyone had pretty much the same color of eyes, hair, and skin; where everyone spoke the same language and operated from eons-old cultural influences, my being was overcome with an insatiable thirst for simply gazing, gazing at the unspeakable beauty of our Melting Pot here in the USA. I found myself planning my schedule around public events just so I could feast on the spectacular tapestry of humanity – all located in a country I called home, born and bred.

Here in the US, we recently celebrated our 240th birthday. That’s fairly youthful, considering most of the rest of humanity. And it’s pretty easy to verify by our collective consciousness what seems to be important to us as a whole. Just look at the magazine rack next to the grocery store check-out, glance up at the bill boards on any expressway in every city, turn on the radio dial, tv set, computer screen. Everyone knows we place the luster of Youth on a very pointed pedestal and have yet to mature and bow before the Wisdom of our Elders. And, this is worth noting. Again. Not as a place to get stuck; simply as a noticing of “O, yeah, this.”

The good news is that, by Law (Universal, immutable Law, not man-made law), all of us are on an evolutionary track of maturation, individually and collectively, and there’s nothing that can be done to stop it. Fortunately, humans are waking up to an understanding that we facilitate our life experiences, rather than simply showing up to life navigating circumstances and events. We are moving from what I call ’employee mentality’ to ‘artistic reality’. We actually get to pour-forth an inspired life!

So – what does this mean for you? For me? For us as a collective? Well, so much. It categorically means so much. To begin – it means we will mature in the microcosm of our everyday lives – emotionally, personality-wise, egoically, and all that that entails. It also means that we are called to mature as a collective. We will allow essential Truths to rise forth and flood our dialogue and behaviors regarding our fundamental interdependence. Out-dated opinions, modes of operating, judgments and positions will become so uncomfortable, so obviously not-right, that we must cast them to the compost. We’ve already seen this breaking open in consciousness and experience, and I know many of us feel it happening now.

This is where we step into the mystery and allow Love to run the moment. For truly, it requires a moment-to-moment presencing. I’m not speaking about romantic always-feel-good love. I’m talking about that power and grace which births universes – labor pains included. So we gotta breathe, and allow the Love that is encoded within to buoy us up as we step into the Unknown.

Granted, this is a large conversation which we will continue to explore – and… In light of what continues to be spotlighted with killings on US soil: It means we get to grow-up. Perhaps a little bit more, perhaps a lotta bit more; that’s up to you.

How does one go about this? There are countless paths, tools, and technologies for fertilizing and cracking open the Wisdom Seed encoded within each one of us. From meditation to spiritual study; from yoga to dance; from music to art; from spiritual comradeship to deep contemplation; from nestling in an open heart, to deeply listening as never before. The possibilities overflow…

And, a Wisdom Keeper listens.

If we want to stand up and responsibly usher-in our evolutionary growth with grace, we will learn and practice and become experts in listening. Think of that individual or those few folks in your life who actually listen to you. Not to your judgments or opinions – think of the ones who listen to your heart. There’s a difference. And there’s your bookmark.*

From the power and true creative intelligence that this way of livingness evokes and fortifies, we will create and establish new paradigms and new ways of operating so that our individual lives, as well as the collective, can reflect the fundamental truths of freedom, contribution, and right-relationship.

For the ones of us here in the US, we are gifted with an incredible sandbox of cross-cultural exploration to awaken in. We really are. We can prove a world that works for everyone. We can tap the fertile fount of cultural wisdom inherent in the fabric of all of humanity. With patience, an open-heart, a dynamic Yes, and by actually showing-up, we can move from reactionary youthful ways of positioning in separation to the fortifying creativity and brilliance of our collective ageless wisdom.

It’s already available. And so we begin.

Sandbox – 1) a shallow box or hollow in the ground partly filled with sand for children to play in. In computing – 2) a virtual space in which new or untested software can be run securely.

Let’s move from the shallow sandbox we’re familiar with and establish new avenues of relating. Let’s sit at the Round Table and craft the artistic rise of a culture in which the huge array of human expression flows freely and can be realized.

What say you?

I’m looking forward to playing in this sandbox with you.

*If you have no frame of reference for the profound experience of being listened to (and many in our still-maturing world have none), contact our admin and she’ll put your in touch with someone who is deeply trained in the sacred art of listening. Everyone deserves to know this experience, personally and intimately. And, if you’d like to tap-in to strengthening your personal listening muscles, she can guide you to supportive possibilities.

Know Thyself.

Recognize Who You Truly Are.

Before you were you, you were an idea in the Mind of the Infinite Creative, the One Impulse which is forever unfurling Itself through and as All. The same Intelligence which birthed Itself into existence as the galaxies, solar systems, stars and multi-verses was so interested in what may be… if It shaped Itself into time and space and called Itself – You.

Yes You: an artistic expression of the Infinite Creative spiraling on an evolutionary journey along with the rest of us. Us meaning everything. Everything that is seen and not seen. For lo, we are born of the Infinite, each one of us – and, like a rare gemstone, a living work-of-art, we are fully imbued with the unquenchable magnificent nature of this One.

Dynamically individual – there is not another like you! Think snowflakes and fingerprints and the dots on a ladybug. Think grains of sand on a beach, drops of water in the ocean, the uncountable bugs in a rainforest! Absolutely unrepeatable and categorically irreplaceable! Never having existed before and never will again. Only You. Here, now. An experience of the Infinite condensed and crystallized into this moment. Perfect. Complete. And O-So-Necessary!

And, fascinatingly… each one of us – every one – springs from this very same Primordial Soup. Remarkably unique, and unequivocally undivided. We are one.

We are one with all that is, all that has ever been, and all that will ever be. Down to the core. The Alpha, the Omega.

So, when a Beloved embarks on the Quest for Awakening… or when One has an ache of some kind of wanting, she or he must open the intrepid treasure chest of spiritual exploration; and there will find the very first invitation of Self Recognition.

Then, and only then, can Love take over your life. Then and only then can Respect be the order of your day. Then, and only then, can Abundance be understood as your birthright. Then and only then will Bliss be the fulfillment of your Soul.

Remember Who You Are.

The Big Bang.  A Dark Night of the Soul.  The Bottom Fell Out.  The Sh*t Hit the Fan!  Mercury’s in Retrograde (heck – 5 Planets in Retrograde!).  Full Moon.  New Moon.  Solar Flares.  That Time of the Month (for chics + some dudes). Yes. No. Stop. Go.  Who Am I?  Where Am I?  What is GOING ON??!

Utter Discombobulation.           …ever have this experience?

I call it Sacred Chaos.  It’s kinda like a soup.  Or an explosion.  Or that excruciatingly tremulous Mystery Walk where we long to see beyond the next 5 centimeters.  Every single one of us has had the unflappable tenure of forgetting moments of painful birthing, only to rise forth out of the bubbling quagmire a little shinier, a bit stronger, and a whole lot wiser.

So – hang on.  Your hat is going nowhere.  (And even if it does, a new one is on its way.)

There’s an impersonal, immutable Law in our Universe undergirding these phenomenal passages and it is called the Law of Cycles.  Super persistent.  There’s also at least one constant, unstoppable Universal Principle imbuing these moments and it is called Expansion.  It’s never not happening.  It’s always happening.

The trick to abiding these times, these Portals of Alchemy, is to simply and truly and deeply remember these Truths.

When the going gets wacky, give yourself a moment and breathe.  I mean it:  stop.  And receive a breath.  Next – look around the space, wherever you are, find a chair (or a great spot under a tree) and sit.  Breathe again.  Consciously.  Breathe.  Feel that life-giving sweetness swoop into your beautiful body and splash all around.

Okay.  So the chaos is still happening and at least now you’re a bit disassociated from it (keep breathing).

Now:  tune into the timeless Truth that “something greater” is happening here, there’s so much more occurring than meets the eye.  Feel that.  Breathe with that for a bit.  Feel it some more.

Your brain will relax, endorphins will seep into your blood, your nervous systems will quiet down. Breathe some more.  Allow that part of you that is the “Something Greater” to remind the part of you trying to manage (and possibly somewhat managing to manage) the proverbial Craze that “this too shall pass”…

Just like the seasons, just like cells dividing and skin shedding, just like graduating from one grade to the next, we are on a Spiral Evolutionary Journey and the peace will come again.

And it will be shiny and new – emboldened with your creative impulse.  Cuz see, that’s what’s essentially happening here.  The brilliance of your soul has said Yes to birthing the extraordinary incredibleness of YOU, as only it can, and it must stir things up in order to do so.  Nothing is birthed without expansion – and contraction (see: Cycles).  So the Cycles are happening along with the evolutionary trajectory of the impulses of your brilliant soul and that sometimes can make for a messy moment.

Let it happen.  Breathe.  Remember.  And – – as much as you can allow – enjoy, even – the ride.  Ugh.  I mean – Hooray!  Let’s do it!

Rev. Kate Rodger

I pray to have the tenacity to touch every life my soul calls to.

I pray I have the wherewithal to be bold enough to be unstoppable.

I pray I have the fierce commitment to never give up, to DO what I can with every moment of my life.

I pray for infinite hours and minutes and the overflow of profound understanding to be a dynamic force for Truth & Good & Right Relationship in this world.

Said her Soul to the World.

I’m in a dark office in the educational wing of Agape International Spiritual Center.  It’s 2002 and I’m interning for my Spiritual Prayer Practitioner licensing program, under the wing of the Dean, Dr. Sage Bennett.

We’re visioning for the University – Agape University – its programs, its future, what would be.  On a bi-weekly basis, we tune-in, listen, and catch information.

In these Visioning sessions, I consistently see over and over a building – removed from the city – with architecture influenced by sacred geometry and the elements.  I see people from all over the world, from all manner of life and culture descending here to this place, ascending here – to themselves.

I feel the deepening, the liberation, the truthing happening in these lives.  A feeling so visceral I can taste the lucidity.  It’s a place for a type of learning which held no agenda, other than evolutionary Realization.  It’s fueled by inquiry, invitation, and celebration of All.  I feel it in my bones, electrifying my nervous system as I share my uploads in these bi-weekly sessions.  My blood pulses with the promise of what-could-be for folks in their quest for Truth, in their thirst for something to be replenished.  My heart swoons with the possibilities…

Cut to 2009.  I’m graduating from what I affectionately call Reverend School (my ministerial program) plus completing my Master’s degrees – 10 long years I’ve been in courses, research, and immersions, with solely one summer off to go study with Shamans in Central America.  Throughout these years, I’ve continued to Vision while experiencing the varying shifts and evolutionary journey of the educational arm at Agape.

Then, just days before graduation, the Sacred 7 (as my colleagues and I were termed) met with Rev. Michael, our esteemed mentor under who’s tutelage we shone forth.  We meet to discuss “What’s Next”.

Unexpectedly, I find myself shaking to the core.  I feel utterly unstable.

Who will I be now, outside of the structure of educational expectations?

Years and months and days of constant schooling provided me the stability to go out and create all of the programs and workshops and retreats I had been birthing throughout the decade…  Now, in this moment, my systems begin to let down, preparing for the imminent shock.

Michael turns to me – I shake my head in wide-eyed questioning.  I say to him – “what will I do now, now that I won’t be in school any longer?  Who will I be? I don’t know who I am without my studies, without my ministerial comrades, without my coming to Agape 5 times a week…” Basically I was having an existential crisis right there surrounded by my learned compatriots, which is so unlike me.  Through the haze of my fragmentation, the room seemed to start spinning.

He smiled and said simply, “You’ll continue doing what you’ve been doing, in the world, with your work.”

And so it goes.

Within months I filed for 501c3 status and began to crystallize a Vision that whispered to me eight years prior in those fertile interned rooms.  Yes, I had no experience in running an organization.  No I am not a good manager.  Yes I suck at administrative stuff.  No I had no idea what I was doing or what I truly had said Yes to.

For the first 3 years in particular, I find myself pacing the floor of my 3rdstory bedroom in Venice Beach – why me, why now, why this?  What is the validity and how does it really serve an emerging paradigm of Right Relationship?  Am I flinging myself out there on a whim?  Why don’t I simply go back to Agape, create curriculum to be used there, insert myself under Rev. Michael’s loving leadership, write articles, and go on the Centers for Spiritual Living speaking circuit?

Who. Do. I. Think. I. Am????  And why won’t this Vision called the Institute of Modern Wisdom fade into the background of my ‘tried this, done that..”?

OMG(!!!!!) has this Vision had its way with me.  From uuuggghhhhh to ecstatic bliss, from feeling as though the world is against me to fiercely knowing I MUST DO THIS, from Who the f*k do I think I am! to Life is a mystery and por que no?

So – why?  Why must I do this?  Why must the Ones of us who are now gathering around this Vision-shared establish this?   Aren’t there “others” who have rockin’ Mystery School opportunities for folks already in place???

The answer to that would be yes.  But not this Vision.   And not thisSchool.

Next I do what all obedient, inquisitive spiritual truth seekers do:  I quiet down, and I ask.  I ask, and I ask some more.  Then I listen.

And finally – through tears flowing, a tiny flame lights up on the outer edge of my awareness.  And next, a rumbling begins to upwell and thunder in my core..  I am shone precisely why the Institute of Modern Wisdom exists and what its simple purpose is here to serve:  the evolutionary growth and emotional maturation of humanity (beginning with ourselves, of course).

Can you imagine?

If the world had emotionally astute individuals architecting everyday moments what life would be like?  If we provided experiences for our youth to understand and strengthen listening, communication, and relationship skills – what kind of a world our Future would unveil?  Can you imagine if folks understood the primary forces and mechanics of the Universes, of Time and Space, of the power of their consciousness?  Why, they could actually create a new Reality for themselves, they could be the facilitators of their life journeys, rather than be facilitated by life’s circumstances… And! How that would ripple throughout the world; might we be able to see – to experience – a world that works for everyone?

What if:  communities operated from the unstoppable flow of Love rather than the constricted limits of fear?  What if we learned our lessons from Nature and Gaia and the Cosmos – – humans grown not to dominate and manipulate – – but rather to become vitalizing creative influencers?  How would life be then?  How could it be?

It was in that instant I received my orders.  I was to do my darndest to create this portal, this replenishing station, if you will – for folks to awaken, to remember what is already encoded, to touch the untouchable within their very souls.  I was to serve this creative potential and birthright and not look back.

And here we are – formally 5 years in and we’ve graduated generations of conscious women through our Modern Day Priestess® program, we’ve ignited a potent game-changing Alchemist Training for men, we’ve created programs for youth, and established a nourishing arm to support the Body Temple, which includes an annual Spring Cleanse and a Yoga Teacher Training curriculum, specializing in Kundalini.  I’ve designed 4 Annual Tele-courses that are bite-size for folks, which they can do from the comfort of their own homes.  We sponsor world-wide Sacred Wisdom Journeys and Retreats.  I travel throughout Canada and the US, representing our IMW Community, facilitating Shamanic Energy Circles as powerful portals of transformation.  We do Service Projects in every country we visit.  And – most recent – we now have a physical structure that we call home.  It’s in Ojai, CA on two acres of mystic beauty, and we call it the Ojai Love Center.  All this since sitting in those darkened, fertile rooms, listening to a Vision – and then saying Yes.

Welcome to the Institute of Modern Wisdom.  There is great love here, and we have much to do.

Join us.

Rev. Kate Rodger

We just facilitated the birth of our first IMW Conscious Kundalini Yoga Teachers!

They graduated yesterday in a beachside temple on the Pacific Ocean. Their training has been designed to create a teaching consciousness,with deep work and community and the tools our IMW community is known to anchor. We are shedding the dogma and become ultra inclusive of the wisdom lineages of the human tradition. We went beyond what is currently available and each one of our graduates initiated themselves with honor and grace. We could not be more proud.

Congratulations, beautiful yogis. The world is brighter for your Yes.

Coming to a yoga class near you!